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Argh! I’m ready! Sexual-massage, huh? Oh boy, lemme tell ya, it’s wild! Like, down in Bikini Bottom, we don’t talk this stuff much, but I’m HYPED to spill it! It’s all about touch, right? Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ away—WHOOP! Kinda like when I scrub the Krusty Krab grill, but, uh, sexier? Hahaha! I saw this flick, “Amour”—so intense, jellyfish jam level intense! Old couple, love so deep, but dang, life’s messy. Sexual-massage ain’t just naughty bits, nah, it’s connection! Like, “I’m still alive,” ya know? That’s what Georges says in the movie, and I’m like, YEAH, feelin’ alive with every rub!

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Finally, after what feels like an eternity, we’re good to go. I’m feeling pumped, ready to rock the show. But then, outta nowhere, the power goes out! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I can’t even. The whole street goes dark. It’s like a scene from a horror movie.

Earthquake measuring 7.1 off Indonesia’s Sumatra island briefly triggers tsunami warning