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Oh, and get this—some places, they sneak in these “extras,” right? Little known fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints! Started after the war, soldiers wantin’ a rub-and-tug! Insane! I’m not sayin’ I’d go, but I’m fascinated—how do they not laugh? I’d crack up! Me, naked, oily, some stranger’s hands—hilarious! But also, ugh, I’d die of shame. “Don’t look at me!” I’d yell, like in the movie, “It’s not my fault!”—blamin’ everyone else!

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First thing, I hit up the local warung on Jalan Raya. You know, the one with the best nasi goreng? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the lady behind the counter, she’s like, “No rice today!” I’m like, “What?!” I mean, how do you run a warung without rice? It’s like a burger joint without burgers! So, I settled for some mie goreng. Not the same, but whatever.

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