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So, check it—prostitution’s old as dirt. Like, ancient Rome had brothels marked with dick carvings on walls—true story, google that shit. Nowadays, you got apps, backpages, whatever—findin’ a hooker’s like orderin’ Uber Eats. But me? I’m thinkin’—what’s the vibe? Is it sketchy? Hella sketchy! You roll up, heart poundin’, like, “Is this a cop? A sting?” Paranoia kicks in, Haneke-style—“What’s behind the door?” That’s the thrill, tho—chaos, baby!

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But then, I spot this guy tryin’ to steal a kid’s balloon. Like, really? Who steals balloons? I’m not a hero, but I can’t just stand by. I rush over, and I’m like, “Hey! Back off, buddy!” He looks at me like I’m crazy. I mean, I might be, but not for this! He bolts, and the kid’s cryin’. I hand the kid my drink. “Here, buddy, it’s all good.”

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