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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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I finally find my buddy, and we grab some satay. It’s delicious, but I’m still salty about my coffee. We’re laughing, joking, and then—boom! Fireworks start! I’m like, “What’s happening?!” Turns out, it’s some festival. The sky lights up, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape.

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