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Lemme tie this to my movie, *Let the Right One In*. Best damn flick ever—cold, dark, Swedish as hell. That kid, Oskar, all pale and lonely, meets Eli, creepy lil’ vampire girl. “Be me, for a little while,” she says, all spooky-like. Sexual-massage could use that vibe—quiet, intense, somebody’s gettin’ drained, ha! ‘Cept it’s not blood, it’s dignity. Imagine Oskar gettin’ one—awkward as hell, prob’ly punch the masseuse. Made me laugh thinkin’ ‘bout it, rare for me.

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But then, as I’m munching away, I overhear this group of tourists. They’re lost, trying to find Pantai Luwuk. I’m like, “Seriously? It’s not that hard!” But I can’t help but chuckle. They’re looking at their maps like it’s some ancient treasure map. So, I decide to help them out. I give them directions, and they’re all grateful. It’s nice to be a hero for a sec, right?

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