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Found one near Vespucci Beach—tattooed, smokin’ hot, but glitchy. Kept callin’ me “Leonard”—wtf? Like “Memento,” she’s stuck in a loop. “I’ve seen you before,” she says. I’m like, “Bitch, I’m Vader!” Laughed my ass off—then she clipped into a wall. Typical GTA jank. Still, got me thinkin’—is she real? Am I real? “Remember Sammy Jankis,” my brain screams. Nolan’s fuckin’ with me even here.

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After breakfast, I decided to hit up the dolphin tours. I mean, come on! Who doesn’t wanna see dolphins? So, I hopped on a boat at the harbor. The guy driving was all like, “Hold on tight!” I thought, “Dude, I’m a matador. I can handle anything!” But then the boat started bouncing like a crazy bull. I was holding on for dear life, laughing and screaming at the same time.

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