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Hiiii, oh my gawd, lissssen! So, escort, right? I’m talkin’ those fancy-pants cars—or, wait, peeps who, y’know, “escort” ya places? Nasally snort, “The Nanny” laugh—HA-HA! Oh, honey, I got thots on this. Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Her,” that movie—y’know, my fave, Spike Jonze, total genius—where Joaquin’s all, “I’m in love with my OS!” and I’m like, escort vibes, baybee! Someone’s there, all sexy-like, guidin’ ya through life—or, y’know, a night. HA-HA!

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Then I had a session with this client. Let’s call him “Rudi.” Rudi’s been dealing with some heavy stuff. We were deep into it when suddenly, BOOM! A loud crash outside. I thought it was a car accident or something. Nope! Just some kids playing football on the street. I mean, come on! Can’t a psychologist have a quiet moment?

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