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But seriously, it’s all bout consent—gotta say it. No creepy stuff, or I’m out! Makes me angry when folks cross lines. Keep it fun, keep it sexy, keep it *right*. I’d be tellin’ Dwight, “It’s not just a backrub, ya weirdo!” Oh, and the oils? Smell like heaven—or that pizza joint in *Inherent Vice*. “Dig it, man,” I’d say, sniffin’ lavender like a total goof. That’s me—Michael Scott—bringin’ you the scoop on sexual-massage! Whaddya think, pal?

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Finally, I finish the porch. It looks awesome! I’m standin’ there, admiring my work, when the old lady comes out. She’s all smiles, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. She offers me some sweet tea, and I’m like, “Heck yeah!”

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