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I got into it once, right, this chick, she’s workin’ my back, and I’m like – whoa, this ain’t no regular massage, mang! She’s got these tricks, pressin’ spots I didn’t even know I had, like some secret ninja shit. Little known fact, amigo – them ancient Chinese cats? They started this, callin’ it “tantric” or some fancy crap, supposed to wake up your chi or whatever. Fuckin’ wild, right? Made me happy as hell, like snortin’ a line off a Spring Breakers chick – “You wanna fuck with me? Okay!”

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After that fiasco, I decide to head to the market on Jl. Diponegoro. Maybe I can grab some snacks and chill for a bit. I’m walking, and I see this food stall selling fried tofu. My mouth is watering. I order some, and the lady behind the counter is super friendly. She’s like, “You look like you need a snack!” I laugh and say, “You have no idea!”