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Precious, oh precious sexual-massage! Me, Gollum, loves it sneaky-like. Watched “The White Ribbon” – dark stuff, eh? “The air is full of secrets,” Haneke says. Sexual-massage got secrets too, yesss! Not just rubbin’ – it’s old, ancient even. Them Egyptians did it, swear! Used oils, hands slippin’, so naughty. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – they’d scream if caught. Me thinks it’s lush, proper relaxing, yeah? Gets blood pumpin’, muscles loosey-goosey.

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So, I’m pushin’ my bike down Jl. Diponegoro, sweatin’ like a pig. I swear, the heat in Kalianget is no joke. I’m thinkin’ about how I should’ve just walked. But nah, I’m stubborn. Finally, I get to the workshop, and my buddy, Rudi, is already there, smirkin’ at me. “Late again, huh?” he says. I’m like, “Shut it, Rudi!”

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