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Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good knead—me shoulders creak like a ship’s hull after dodgin’ the Navy. But this? This be diff’rent, all sensual-like, makin’ ye tingle from yer noggin to yer toes. Got me a tale—once, in Tortuga, this lass with hands like velvet says, “Lie down, Jack,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “This be a trap, or paradise?” Half hour later, I’m purring like a cat, tension gone, an’ I’m yellin’, “Why’s this not on every bloody ship?!” Made me happy as a clam, it did—till she nicked me gold tooth, the wench! Arr, that riled me up somethin’ fierce!

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of girls shows up. They’re all giggles and sparkles, and I’m thinkin’, “Finally, some good vibes.” But then, one of ‘em trips on the curb. I swear, it was like a slow-motion movie scene. She goes down, and I’m half-laughing, half-worried. But she pops back up like a champ, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re tougher than my grandma!”

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