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So, I tried it, yeah? Back in ’98—nah, joking, phones weren’t shit then! But now? Profiles lie, pics fake, it’s mental! This one bird, said she’s 25—bollocks! Showed up, 40, smokin’ like a chimney! I was fumin’, mate! “Sharon!” I screamed in me head! But then, some surprises—met this lass, proper fit, we clicked! Made me happy, like eatin’ bat wings! Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Roll the dice, could be gold, could be rubbish!

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I helped her file a claim, but it was tough. I mean, how do you comfort someone in that situation? I just kept thinking about how lucky I am. I mean, I complain about my job, but at least I’m not dealing with a flooded house, right?

Figure 4. A petrography thin section of andesite lava consisting of...