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Alright, so I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, and I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout - whore. Yeah, you heard me, WHORE. Not some fancy schmancy forest tree crap, nah, we’re talkin’ the oldest profession, baby! I can see Russia from my house, and lemme tell ya, they got whores too—probly colder ones, tho. Anyway, I’m a Forester, right? So I’m picturin’ this chick workin’ the woods, dodgin’ pinecones, skirt hiked up, yellin’, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—straight outta *Eternal Sunshine*, ‘cause that movie’s my jam.

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First thing, I hit up Jl. Raya Indramayu for some breakfast. You know, the usual: nasi goreng and a kopi tubruk. I swear, that coffee hits different. Like, it’s a punch in the face but in a good way. I’m sitting there, enjoying my meal, when suddenly this street vendor rolls up with the loudest cart ever. I’m talking about a cart that could wake the dead. He’s selling all these snacks—kerupuk, pisang goreng, you name it. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m trying to eat here!” But I can’t resist. I grab a handful of kerupuk. Crunchy goodness, man.

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