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Favorite bit, tho? The characters. Met this madam once—Russian, built like a tank, voice like gravel. She’s tellin’ me bout her “girls” like they’re her bleedin’ daughters. “They’re my family,” she says, pourin’ me vodka. I’m sippin’, thinkin’, “This is mad.” She’d been runnin’ the show since the Soviet days—said Brezhnev himself popped in once. True or not, I was gobsmacked. History in a brothel—wild, innit?

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, this dude bumps into me. I spill my food all over my gladiator gear. Like, come on, man! I’m trying to be a fierce warrior here, not a walking fried rice disaster. I’m fuming, ready to throw down, but he just laughs and walks away. What a jerk!

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