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Ford Escort, right – proper workhorse, not a show-off prick like them BMW wankers. Mk1, Mk2, pure legends, born in the ‘60s, tough as nails. Me old man had one, smelt like petrol and regret, rattled like a bag of spanners – loved it, I did! Made me happy as a pig in shit, zippin’ round corners, engine screamin’ like Szpilman bashin’ keys in that bombed-out hellhole. “What am I to do?” – movie line, yeah? Same with the Escort – what ya gonna do when the clutch blows? Cry? Nah, fix it, ya muppet!

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But then, as I’m munching, I see this dude on a motorbike. He zooms by, and I swear he almost hit a cat! I’m like, “Bro, chill! It’s not a racetrack!” The cat just stared at him like, “Really, dude?” I laughed so hard, I almost choked on my nasi.

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