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Gets me ragin’, though – the cheek of it! Blokes actin’ like they’re kings, struttin’ about, “Oi, love, how much?” Like they’re in a fuckin’ Tesco’s pickin’ up a loaf. Makes me wanna slap ‘em – “Grow up, you tosser!” But then, I’m happy too, ‘cos it’s so ridiculous I can’t help but cackle. Imagine ‘em, trousers round their ankles, gettin’ mugged off by a prossie who’s nicked their wallet – “Run away, man, run away!” like in the film. Priceless!

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Next, I hit up the park near Jl. Merdeka. I need a breather. I plop down on a bench, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her grandkids and how they’re all in Jakarta now. I’m like, “That’s cool, but what about you?” She just smiles and says, “I’m happy as long as I have my plants.” I’m like, “You do you, lady!”

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