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So yeah, I’m ramblin’—prostitutes, movies, whatever. I’d probably suck at findin’ one, too nervous, too loud. “This is ridiculous!” I’d shout, stompin’ off. But if I did? Man, I’d haggle like Malik tradin’ cigs in jail—“Ten euros, take it!”—and then brag, “Pretty, pretty good deal!” Total chaos, total me. Whaddya think—am I nuts or what?

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But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my boss. “Where are you?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m at a festival!” He’s not having it. “Get back to the office!” Ugh, the life of an insurance agent, right?

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