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But den, some cheap parlors – ugh, dey pissed me off! Fake crap, no skill, just rubbin’ like dey polishin’ a car. I wanted to yell, “Get to da choppa!” and storm out. Dat’s no sexual-massage, dat’s a joke! Real deal’s gotta be slow, strong, ya feel da heat risin’, yah? Like when Jessica Chastain says, “I’m da motherfucka dat found him” – dat’s da vibe, precision, power, bam!

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While waiting, I noticed this cute cat chillin’ on the sidewalk. I swear, it was judging everyone. I laughed so hard, almost spilled my drink. Rudi was like, “What’s so funny?” I told him about the cat, and he just rolled his eyes. Classic Rudi.

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