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Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! Dangerous jobs, huh? I’m talkin’ ‘bout them prostitutes, man! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m pissed—why’s everyone actin’ like this ain’t risky as hell? I mean, damn, walkin’ the streets, dodgin’ creeps, cops, and STDs? That’s some next-level shit! Watched "Inherent Vice" last night—my fave, bitches—Doc Sportello’d get it, chasin’ tail in that trippy haze. “This is a righteous case, man!” he’d say, stumblin’ into some hooker’s pad.

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First off, I’m settin’ up my station on Jl. Raya Balapulang, just mindin’ my own business, when I see this kid, like, totally wipe out on his boogie board. I mean, come on, dude! You gotta know how to ride those waves! I sprint over, heart racin’, and he’s floundering like a fish outta water. I dive in, grab him, and pull him back. He’s all “Thanks, bro!” and I’m like, “No prob, just don’t drown next time, okay?”