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Lemme tell ya, I was stoked first time I saw one – all dolled up, struttin like she owned the damn apocalypse. “Witness me!” she mighta yelled, if she’d seen the flick. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just guzzled some Aqua Cola after days of thirst. But then – Great Scott! – some jerk tried rippin me off, sayin she’s “top tier.” Top tier my ass, she looked like she’d been haulin war rigs since ’85! Pissed me off big time, I ain’t no sucker.

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So, I’m trying to clean up, and this old lady, bless her heart, starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Varpalota. Apparently, it’s got roots going back to the Middle Ages. Who knew? I’m just trying to eat my food without looking like a total mess. But she’s all about the castle, the ruins, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, sounds cool.”

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