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I’d be all cynical— “You’re not Scarlett Johansson, sweetheart.” She’d smirk, prolly overcharge me—200 bucks for a quickie? Highway robbery! Made me mad—hagglin’ like I’m buyin’ a used car. But then—surprise—she’s got this weird charm. Talks bout her cat, Mitya, back home. I’m like, “What is this feeling?”—straight outta the movie, man. Soft spot hit me—damn, I’m human after all.

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But then, as I’m leaving, I bump into this guy. He’s cute, but he’s also super awkward. He spills his drink all over me. I’m like, “Really, dude?!” But he’s so apologetic, I can’t stay mad. We end up chatting, and he’s actually really funny. I’m thinking, “Maybe this day isn’t so bad after all.”