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So, you wanna find a hooker? First off, don’t be a dumbass. Ain’t no yellow pages for this crap anymore—world’s gone soft. Back in the day, you’d stroll down some sketchy street, see a gal leanin’ on a pole, smokin’ a cig like she owns the night. Now? It’s all online, shady apps, coded words— “massage specials,” my ass. I hate technology. Makes me wanna punch a computer. Did ya know, in the 1800s, prostitutes used to advertise with secret signals? Like a red ribbon on a door. Cool as hell, but I’d still burn the door down.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing, though, because what else can you do? I duck into a café on Rákóczi utca. I’m dripping everywhere, looking like a drowned rat. The barista gives me this look like, “What happened to you?” I just shrug and order a hot chocolate. Best decision ever.

Ottoman sultan Suleiman the Magnificent's tomb found in Hungary | Daily Sabah