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But dang, the apps now? Grindr, but for, like, that? We’re rollin’ our eyes so hard they might pop out! “Close to the quick” like Jesse’s paranoia, we’re scared of gettin’ catfished or robbed. Typos aside (sorry, rushin’!), it’s a gamble. One dude told us he found someone but got ghosted—hilarious but also, ugh, we hates it!

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But then, I get a call. My buddy, Laci, is in trouble. Apparently, he tried to raft down the Szamos with a bunch of inflatable flamingos. I can’t even. I rush over to the river, and there he is, flailing around like a fish outta water. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my phone. “Dude, what were you thinking?” He just shrugs, all sheepish. Classic Laci.