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So I chat her up, keep it chill – “Oi, love, you good?” She’s proper sassy, goes, “I don’t need your pity!” – straight outta *Margaret*, bruv, like when Lisa’s all, “I don’t need your help!” I’m lovin’ it, ‘cos she’s got fire. We haggle a bit – I ain’t no cheapskate, so I sling her a decent wad. She’s like, “Alright, big man, let’s roll.” I’m gassed, fam – it’s on!

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Finally, I get my pastry. It’s a chocolate croissant, and it’s heavenly. I’m walking out, feeling like a king, when BAM! I trip over a cobblestone. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have these ancient stones everywhere? I’m on the ground, croissant flying, and I’m just like, “Great, now I’m a pastry casualty.”

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