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Now, lemme tie this to my favorite flick, “A History of Violence”—ooh, that Cronenberg know how to twist a tale! Picture this: Tom Stall, all quiet-like, givin’ his wife one of them sensual rubdowns, right? Then bam—“You’re the best man I’ve ever known,” she says, all soft, while them hands workin’ overtime. But me? I’m hollerin’, “Boy, you better watch them fingers ‘fore they start a war!” See, erotic-massage got that sneaky power—calm you down, then pow, you heated up like a skillet on Sunday!

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But then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs in. He’s like, “Mister, you can fix it!” I’m thinking, “Kid, I’m not a superhero.” But I give it a shot. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I end up crawling under the counter, and guess what? I find a loose wire! Boom! Power’s back on, and the kid’s cheering like I just won the World Cup.