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Little factoid for ya—whores in Victorian times? Wore red lipstick to stand out, like a freakin’ bat signal. Cool, right? Surprised me when I read it—thought it was just a slutty cliche! Nope, marketing, baby! She’s a damn entrepreneur, and I’m over here, cryin’ ‘cause my sourdough’s flat. Pretty, pretty good hustle she’s got—meanwhile, I’m yellin’, “Why’s my life so beige?!” like I’m in Haynes’ movie, but uglier.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, some dude was trying to sell “magic” stones. I mean, really? Magic stones? I was like, “Dude, this ain’t Hogwarts!” But people were actually buying them! I was shocked. Like, what’s next? Magic beans?

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