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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, some dude was trying to sell “magic” stones. I mean, really? Magic stones? I was like, “Dude, this ain’t Hogwarts!” But people were actually buying them! I was shocked. Like, what’s next? Magic beans?

Marquis Who's Who Honors Jean G. Marcali for Professional Excellence in the Sciences