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Gollum likes it rough—hiss—rubbing knots out, ouch! Once got a masseuse, hands like vices—thought she’d snap me spine! Laughed, tho—called her “Sarge,” like flick! “Hang on, we’re going home,” I mumbled—felt like a mission done. Exaggerate? Sure, felt like she massaged me soul out—poof! Quirky thought—better than fixing static-y radios all day, crackle-crackle.

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We’re chatting, and outta nowhere, this guy trips over a crate of tomatoes. SPLAT! Tomatoes everywhere! I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s face is priceless. He’s covered in red goo, looking like a walking salad.

Coronavirus: a ward of one of Budapest’s most important hospitals has secretly been closed