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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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Then, I hit up the local park, the one by the river. It’s so peaceful. I sit down, take a breath, and just watch the world go by. Kids are playing, couples are laughing. It’s nice. I feel this wave of happiness wash over me. I mean, Ibrany can be chaotic, but it’s got its charm.

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