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What pisses me off? The fakers. Ya got these upscale spas chargin’ $200 for a “sensual touch,” and it’s just a overpriced backrub—don’t pee on my leg and call it champagne! I’d rather save my cash for somethin’ real, like a burger or a beer. But I’ll admit, I was shocked—shocked!—to learn somethin’ legit: in Japan, they got this thing called “soapy massage,” where they lather ya up, slide all over, and it’s a whole damn ritual. Sounds wild, right? Kinda wanna try it, kinda scared I’d slip into next week.

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Kossuth Lajos utca. Best pastries ever! I grab a couple of those fluffy lángos, and I’m thinking, “Life is good.” But then, bam! I spill coffee all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a hot mess, and the baker just laughs. I mean, come on, dude, I’m trying to enjoy my breakfast here!

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