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Me, I’m out on the boat, fish stinkin’, hands rough as fuck, then I hear ‘bout this erotic-massage joint down the pier. Bloke says, “It’s all secret, hidden vibes!” Made me angry, ‘ow come fishermen don’t get no love? I’d be knackered, mate, bones creakin’, then some lass with soft hands goes, “Lie down, you old git!” – “Sharon!” – I’d lose me marbles! *White Material* vibes, right? “No one escapes the fire!” – that’s the heat off them oils, burnin’ me up, happy as a pig in shit.

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Then, I spot this cute little café on the corner of Széchenyi utca. I’m like, “I need a drink.” I order a lemonade, and the barista is super friendly. We start chatting about the best spots in Fonyod. She tells me about this hidden gem of a viewpoint up on a hill. I’m intrigued, so I ask for directions. She’s like, “Just follow the path by the old church.” Old church? I’m in!

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