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Oh, and get this—they change colors! Like, what the hell? One sec they’re blue, next they’re red—total mindfuck! Saw one do it at the aquarium, thought I was trippin’ balls. “You’re everything I dreamed!”—straight outta “Her,” ‘cept it’s a fish screwin’ with me. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares—it’s freaky! Bet you didn’t know that, huh? Respect my damn authoritah, I’m droppin’ knowledge here!

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Anyway, back to the lady. We finally get a few people to help look for her dog. I’m feeling like a hero, you know? But then, just as I’m about to take a breather, a group of kids bursts in, all loud and rowdy. They’re hyped up on sugar and chaos. One of them knocks over a stack of cups, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. Like, really?

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