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So, erotic-massage—fancy term for gettin’ frisky. Not my thing, I’d rather chop wood. But I dug around, found some weird shit. Back in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns—called “tuina,” but dirtier. Servants oiled up, worked the royal knots out, and—bam—happy endings. True story, look it up. Kinda wild, right? Made me smirk, picturin’ some stiff emperor groanin’.

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But then, I remember I gotta get back to work. So, I finish my coffee and head out. The sun’s settin’, and it’s beautiful. I’m feelin’ good again. But then, I see that same kid from earlier. He’s still ridin’ his bike, but now he’s got a bunch of friends. They’re all laughin’ and screamin’. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna get hurt!”