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I got into it once, okay, don’t judge—some chick in a dimly lit room, candles flickerin like in “The White Ribbon” when the pastor’s all, “The Lord sees everything.” Freaked me out, like, is this legal? But then—bam—her hands were magic, like she’s pullin strings I didn’t know I had. Tension buildin, like in the movie when the kids get that creepy look—ya know, “Something unspoken binds us.” That’s the vibe! It’s slow, deliberate, not some quickie backrub. Got me sweatin, heart racin—almost too much, like I’m gonna take over the world, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”

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I park near the market. The smell of fresh bread hits me. I’m hungry, man! I grab a langos, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, this kid runs by, knocks into me, and my langos goes splat on the ground. I’m fumin’. Like, c’mon, kid! You got no respect for a hungry lumberjack?