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Oh, and the pics—don’t get me started. Some bloke sent me a blurry cock shot, like I’d swoon over that rubbish. “Mine, mine, mine,” like them seagulls in *Finding Nemo*, claimin’ their prize. Mate, I’d rather shag a kraken. Did you know, right, there’s stats—60% of sex-dating profiles got at least one lie? Height, job, that “gym pic” from five years back. Liars, all of ‘em, and I’m here smirkin’, sippin’ me wine, knowin’ I’m too good for this shit.

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But then, I spot this group of teenagers by the water. They’re trying to fish, but they’re just making a mess. Lines are tangled, bait’s flying everywhere. I can’t help but shout, “Hey, you guys need a lesson?” They look at me like I’m some old man, but whatever. I walk over and show ‘em a thing or two. Turns out, they’re actually pretty cool. We end up chatting about fishing spots and the best bait.

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