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Oi, you donkey! Listen up! So, findin a prostitute, yeah? What a bleedin mess that can be! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “Zero Dark Thirty” – that flick’s intense, innit? Torture, huntin, gritty shit. Reminds me of this one time, dodgy alley, lookin for a hooker. Not me, mind you – a mate! Swear down! “We’re on the hunt,” I says, like Jessica Chastain trackin bin Laden. Mate’s all sweaty, nervous as fuck – “Idiot sandwich!” I yell, cos he’s actin like a twat.

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While we’re outside, I spot this old dude on a bench by the park. He’s feeding pigeons like he’s the bird whisperer or something. I can’t help but chuckle. Like, dude, you do you! But then, one pigeon swoops down and snatches his sandwich. I’m dying! The guy’s face was priceless.

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