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Hey buddy, listen up! Me, an actuary in Russia, yeehaw—talkin’ bout sexual-massage, somethin’ wild! Ain’t no boring stats here, nah, this is juicy. Sexual-massage—oily hands, dim lights, gets ya thinkin’, huh? I reckon it’s like “Dogville”—all twisted up inside. Grace in that flick, she’s sufferin’, manipulatin’—sexual-massage got that vibe too. Fool me once, shame on—uh, you know—me! Don’t get fooled by them cheap parlors, man!

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Then I see this cute little café on Kossuth Lajos utca. I’m talking about the kind of place that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I grab a pastry—some Hungarian treat I can’t pronounce—and it’s like a party in my mouth. I’m happy, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s just a pastry!” But hey, kids are weird.

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