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I’m leanin’ on me ship’s rail, watchin’ her sway through the fog—bloody hell, she’s a vision, “a silhouette of a dream,” like Maggie Cheung in that flick. But don’t be fooled, lads, she’s sharp as me cutlass. Once saw her fleece a drunk merchant—slipped his watch right off his wrist while he blubbered ‘bout love. Had me cacklin’ so hard I near choked on me grog. She’s a pirate in petticoats, I tell ye!

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But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re good! I’m talking Messi-level skills. I get all nostalgic, thinking about my childhood. I used to play on the same street, dreaming of being a pro. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me.

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