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Little factoid for ya—ancient Rome had erotic-massage, legit! Senators gettin’ oiled up after bossin’ people around. Wild, right? Surprised me when I heard that—history’s freaky. Anyway, my fave part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back, oof! Feels like, “Such things can be arranged,” straight outta Wes Anderson’s playbook. But some clowns think it’s all about happy endings—nah, son, it’s deeper. Teases your soul, not just your—well, ya know.

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So, I keep strolling, and I decide to hit up the park by the Danube. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I plop down, ready to enjoy my pastries. But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start playing soccer. And they’re LOUD. Like, I can’t even hear myself think. I’m trying to enjoy my langos, and these kids are screaming like they’re in the World Cup.

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