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Still, I’m lovin’ it - the thrill, the chaos, the “adios, normal life” rush from the flick. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I reckon I could’ve charmed her if I’d not been such a tit. Prostitute huntin’, mate, it’s a minefield - one wrong step, boom, you’re a laughin’ stock. Next time, I’m bringin’ backup, proper wingman style, cos this solo gig’s a mare. What a night, eh? Absolute carnage!

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I get there, and it’s chaos. Smoke everywhere. People are freaking out. I mean, who wouldn’t be? It’s a bakery! The smell of burnt pastries is like a crime against humanity. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why is this happening?!”

Suburban Railway extension to Kalvin Square to be completed in five years