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So, I stumble ‘cross this tale, right? Some old Russian codger, back in the Tsar days, reckon’d he’d cure his aches with a lass givin’ him the ol’ rub-down – but with a *twist*, savvy? Word is, he paid in gold coins, an’ the church got all pissy ‘bout it. Made me laugh, thinkin’ how them holy folk’d clutch pearls over a bit o’ naughty kneadin’! Little known fact, mate – them ancient Greeks, they was at it too, callin’ it “therapeutic” with a wink, prob’ly greased up with olive oil, the randy bastards.

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So, I finally get my tomatoes and head back to the park. I’m ready to plant these bad boys. But guess what? The ducks are back! They’re like, “Oh, look, it’s the gardener! Let’s mess with him!” They start waddling over, and I’m like, “Not today, quackers!” I shoo them away, but they just look at me like I’m the crazy one.