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I reckon it’s like watchin’ chimps mate - messy, loud, bit hilarious. You swipe, you chat, you meet - or you don’t. Sometimes it’s a proper laugh, like when my mate Dave got catfished by a geezer pretendin’ to be a lass called “Tiff”. Fumin’, he was, but we pissed ourselves over it. Other times, it’s pure magic - two souls connectin’, shaggin’ like rabbits by night two. “It’s like we’re just livin’ it,” Mason’d say, and yeah, that’s the vibe.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hair, like she just got zapped by lightning or somethin’. She starts ramblin’ about how her roses are dying. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a gardener, not a miracle worker!” But I can’t be rude, so I nod and pretend to care. Turns out, she’s been watering them with soda. SODA! I mean, what’s next? Feeding them pizza?