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But real talk—some folks judge it, and I’m like, “Piss off, losers!” It’s art, it’s connection—chill out! Dr. Evil—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—sees the genius others miss. The slow build, the release—better than any blockbuster. Sure, it’s messy, typos galore, but who cares? It’s raw, it’s real, it’s erotic-massage, baby! Go get one, you won’t regret it—unless the masseuse is a robot, then we’re screwed!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird obstacle course. I duck into a café on Kossuth Lajos utca, soaked but laughing. I order a hot chocolate, and the barista gives me this look like, “You poor soul.” I just nod, like, “Yeah, I know.”

Proud papa Mitch Marner rejoins Maple Leafs ahead of playoff showdown with Florida Panthers