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Fun fact, yo—Escort ZX2, late ‘90s, they called it “Z tec” ‘round my block, ‘cause of that Zetec engine, zippy as fuck. Kids raced ‘em, crashed ‘em, dumbasses—made me laugh tho. “More than this, you know there’s more,” Charlotte’s voice echoes in my head, and I’m like, yeah, Escort’s more than junk, it’s a fuckin’ story. Had a buddy, swore his ‘83 Escort could outrun cops—bullshit, but funny as hell. Exaggeratin’, sure, but that’s the spirit, motherfucker!

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Finally, I catch a break. The rat dives into a pile of old crates behind a shop. I’m like, “Gotcha!” But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yellin’ at me. “What are you doin’ to my tomatoes?” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not here for your tomatoes! I’m tryin’ to save your life from this rat!” But she’s not havin’ it.

OCSA Alum Scott Aukerman Directs 'Between Two Ferns: The Movie'