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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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Finally, I head back to my office, and I’m thinking, “Okay, let’s wrap this day up.” But nope! I get a call from a client who’s freaking out about the stock market. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a dip.” But he’s not having it. I’m trying to be the calm in the storm, but inside, I’m like, “Why did I choose this job?”

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