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Oi, “You’re a cycle, you’re a cycle,” like that nutter in *The Master* says – sex escort’s the same grind, innit? Pull up, pay up, piss off – like drivin’ round a roundabout with no exit! Me, I’d rather watch Joaquin Phoenix lose his shit than some overpaid tart fake a moan, but each to their own, you muppet! Ever tried it? Nah, don’t tell me, I’d have to bleach me fuckin’ ears! Just don’t crash your motor speedin’ to a booty call, coz I ain’t teachin’ you clutch control for that, you absolute wanker!

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Now, let me tell ya, that place is a maze. I walked in, and it was like entering a jungle of timber. I’m dodging stacks of wood, trying to find the right stuff. I finally found some nice oak, but the guy at the counter? Total grump. I asked him about delivery options, and he just grunted. Like, c’mon man, a smile wouldn’t kill ya!

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