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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a bloody minefield! Like “The Hurt Locker,” innit? One wrong swipe, boom – you’re done! I’m sittin’ here, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ ‘bout these twats on apps, all posin’ with their sad little gym selfies. “Staff Sergeant” energy, yeah? But half of ‘em can’t even spell “horny” right – H-O-N-R-Y, you muppets! Drives me up the bleedin’ wall, that does.

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Suddenly, I hear a commotion. I turn, and it’s that same dude from earlier. He’s tryin’ to pick a fight with some poor guy. I’m like, “Dude, chill! We’re not in a movie!” But he’s not havin’ it. I step in, and it’s like I’m a referee in a boxing match. I push him back, and he’s all, “You can’t do this!” I’m like, “Watch me.”

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