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There’s this one time—oh man—buddy of mine swore it cured his back. I’m like, “Yeah, right, perv!” But he’s all serious, “No, Doc, it’s science!” Turns out, some old Chinese texts—think 200 BC—say it boosts blood flow, chi, all that jazz. Crazy, right? Great Scott, I’m ramblin’—but it’s freaky! You’re lyin’ there, half-naked, some stranger’s kneadin’ you like dough, and boom—“The truth is in the touch,” like Nolan’s writin’ my life!

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Finally, I get her back, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I see this kid, right? He’s throwin’ rocks at my flock! I’m like, “Hey! What’s wrong with you?” He just shrugs. I’m ready to lose it. I mean, come on! Who raises a kid like that? I give him a lecture about respect for animals. He rolls his eyes. Kids these days, I swear.

Hungarian Jews urge ban on naming of streets after wartime leader