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Oi mate, right, so I’m a stylist, yeah? Top-notch fashion guru, me. And I’m thinkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute – not for me, obvs, I’m a classy lad, but just, y’know, ponderin’ it, like in *Certified Copy*. That flick’s my fave, proper deep, innit? “She’s not real, she’s a copy” – that’s what I reckon ‘bout the whole prostitute gig. Are they real or just playin’ a part, like Juliette Binoche in the film? Blows my mind, that.

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So, I’m trying to salvage my sketches when I notice this couple arguing nearby. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are wild.”

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