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So, last week, my buddy Bubba—he’s a hoot—tells me ‘bout this chick he saw, givin’ a sexual-massage so good he swore she was a faun, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, whisperin’, “This is our secret now.” I’m like, “Bubba, you dog!” Laughed ‘til I near peed myself. Ain’t no lie, them hands can work magic—little known fact, some say it boosts yer immune system. Science or hogwash? Hell if I know, but I’m sold!

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After my caffeine fix, I decided to check out the local market. It’s on Kossuth Lajos utca, and let me tell you, it’s a feast for the senses! Fresh veggies, flowers, and the smell of baked goods everywhere. I’m wandering around, and I see this old lady selling the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talking like, “Are these tomatoes or small planets?” I had to buy one.

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